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Why is the world so busy?   
06:28pm 01/11/2007
 
mood: lonely
So I totally have this great project from my corporate office, it is even in my field of study, computer programming. It is a great opportunity to demonstrate my abilities, however, it is so time consuming. My time at work is supposed to be spent doing homework, not real job related tasks. This combined with a group project in class that is going to make me shoot someone or myself, has been stressing me out big time. Some days I just wish I could say "Fuck it all" and go live in the woods some where. But then I remember that I hate nature.

So, I have found out I have a strong distaste for conservatism. I always suspected I did, but has been confirmed 1000% now. Lately I have not been able to stop visiting The Politico www.politico.com; it a great place to read up (and discuss) on all the action in politics. Unfortunately, the number of times a forum turns into reckless name calling and idiotic bantering far outweighs the number of decent, productive conversations. I've notice a trend however. The conservatives almost always start the mud flinging first. I don't know if it is because they are defensive, given the complete lack of political support in our country for the Republicans, or if conservatives are just a-holes. I find it ironic as well that nearly all of them profess to christianity (a whole new set of issues there), but are the first to treat people who disagree without love and compassion. Now don't get me wrong, the Dems and liberals will often act the same way, but usually in reaction to a conservative attack. Both sides argue that the politico is biased towards the other side, along with any other MSM.So why do I keep reading there?

Speaking of politics. I cannot wait for the 08 elections to come. First wish: "NO Hillary Clinton". I can't agree with her for a few reasons. Reason number 1, her health care plan is a direct rip off of Edwards. So why vote Clinton when she just uses Edwards ideas. Reason number 2, she doesn't seem to really think out her policy, and if she does she doesn't share; for example, the $5,000.00 baby bond, what a nice idea, except where is that money coming from, how far back will it work retro-actively, it just seems like her ideas are to throw money out money to buy votes. Now I am a socialist, I enjoy social welfare programs, but they should be thought out, not just throwing money to get votes. I have huge beef with the SCHIP legislation (probably the only time I'll ever agree with bush, glad he vetoed it, although his reason for vetoing it I don't agree with, to expensive, my arse, how about an half trillion dollar war, now that's expensive). Now I am not against needy children getting health care, exactly the opposite; but the decision to fund it with an increase in tax on cigarettes is horrible. Studies have shown that an increase in tax on cigarettes reduces the number of smokers (one reason the AMA supported this bill). This means the SCHIP program would effectively eliminate its own tax base (on a long enough time line), leading to an underfunded program. With SS on the verge of becoming underfunded, do we really need to add another underfunded program. I just wish more thought would be put into these policies. Reason number 3, she flips and flops more then a dying fish out of water. I just can't trust her, and this is probably the biggest reason she won't get my vote. Finally, she is so polarizing. There are many dems that won't vote for her and the reps will come out in droves to vote against her. I don't believe she is the right candidate for the dems.

Second wish (since I'm wishing): A real socialist candidate. Will never happen of course.

Third Wish: If Hillary does get the nom, Ron Paul is going against her. I disagree with paul on relaxation of corporate legislation and abortion, however his libertarian streak is very impressive. I genuinely believe he wishes to uphold the constitution and decentralize government (very sexy). I also appreciate his stance on the war and our involvement in other countries. Protectionism (in small doses) seems like a path we need to take, since when we get involved all we do is piss off every other country.

Final Wish: Edwards/Obama 08!

I have a feeling this up and coming presidenial election is going to be very disappointing for me...
 
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Schools In For Winter!!!   
08:05pm 23/08/2007
 
mood: energetic
So it is that magical time of year again when my time is pre-occupied with homework, class and work. I am super excited though. I have a class Systems Analysis and Design, with a rockin project.

This project's concept is basically to structure an information system from the initial idea all the way to implementation. It is going to rock so much. Finally a class that will be a challenge.

I am also excited because I feel I may learn something with this course. I currently program, however, when it comes to structuring my software, I usually design as I go. Being able to use a system to plan and then implement will greatly increase my coding efficiency I think.

Yay! for school!
 
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C++ is fun!!!   
12:00pm 21/08/2007
 
mood: nerdy
So, I have decided to build a DLL in C++ that can export both functions and a class to other C++ programs; the DLL will also contain wrapper functions to allow the use of the class in Visual Basic. So far so good. The class will contain static variables to monitor the state of the DLL. This leads to my current problem. I want to use a dynamic array to keep track of pointers to each instance of the classes. Now, C++ does not have built in dynamic arrays as far as I know, so I added a seperate header file to create my own class of dynamic arrays. I have programmed the class to be able to adjust it's size and I have created an union that will accept multiple data types, so the array works similar to a variant from VB. Using overloaded functions, I have been able to code the addNew method to the class and it will automatically add the new data according to the type of data that is passed. These functions mirror the data types available in the union. My problem lies in retrieving the data from the array and passing it out of the class. I want to be able to send in the index, and return the data. I can't have one function handle this because various data types need to be returned. I also can't overload since there is only 1 arguement that will be the same for each overloaded function. I was considering adding "dummy" arguements to the overloaded functions just to signal which data type will be returned, but this may be a bad choice because it will be harder to code for in the applications that use this header file. Does anyone out there know of a way to dynamically choose the type of data being returned at runtime? By the way, I tried returning the whole union and that is invalid as well.
 
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What happens when we die?   
06:07pm 07/08/2007
 
mood: contemplative
I recently found out an old friend of mine passed away. I am not too terribly upset by this anymore since I haven't seen the friend for a year or so (not to mention it was a friend through my ex). I personally have come to terms with my own death. I do not want to die, but I have accepted that I will die. My question now is what happens then? I find it hard to believe in the soul existing for eternity with god. I have many reasons for my disbelief of the mono-theoistic religions, but my primary qualm with the resting with god (or in hell in my case) is as follows. We as humans are just another animal. For some reason, because our frontal lobes are more developed we believe that we have a special place in an afterlife. I personally believe that is a flaw of christianity. Animals don't go to heaven because they don't have a soul? As far as I know, there has been no empirical evidence to state the we are any different from animals in any but an evolutionary sense. So where is this soul, and if we have one, since we are animals, wouldn't animals have souls as well?

I also have a hard time with reincarnation in the spiritual sense because of this belief of a lack of soul. How can we be reincarnated if we are only matter that just happens to have a conciousness.

Oh well, I guess I won't know until I die. And then, if I am right, I won't know because I will cease to exist.
 
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Meditation is fun!!!   
06:28pm 02/08/2007
 
mood: peaceful
I have developed an interest in Xing Yi Quan. Xing Yi Quan is an internal Chinese Martial art. This martial art is a no nonsense fighting system. The beauty of internal martial arts, is through practice of the art, one actually learns to align their chi and practice beneficial meditation. Xing Yi Quan's sister art Tai Chi is another internal martial art. Most people use it as a meditation tool or a excercise regime and not a fighting system. With Xing Yi Quan the emphasis is on the fighting side. More Exciting for me. Yay!

I have also picked up some books on Buddhism today. I am hoping that the meditation techniques in these books will assist in my meditation practice for Xing Yi Quan (since that is all the art is to me right now, I'm not nearly advanced enough to practice forms).

So, I have (hopefully mind you) a internship opportunity to work towards. I have left a message with my contact with Skyline Technologies. I really hope he calls back. I am going to send my resume no matter what, but damn it would be nice to name drop in my email. I hope I get this position. I am not sure if I am qualified enough, but it can't hurt to try, right?

Speaking of software stuff, I have been working on my application for the bank. I am designing my very first MDI (Multiple Document Interface). This is going to be an interesting learning experience for me. The sub application will compare multiple loans together to help decide what the best option is for the client. I am thinking of having the parent form control all common data for the loans, such as the amount needed for the loan, and have the child forms contain data specific to it's loan type; for example, the interest only balloon loan would have it's own interest rate and term, while the conventional 30 fixed would be able to enter in it's own rate and term. I was thinking of allowing the app to store the rates for the sub application, but then the user would be responsible for updating the rates when the interest rates change. I think I may still end up using this method. Since the user would only have to pick the term and type of loan. The rate and other info would automatically be grabbed for the calculations. Yeah...I like this idea. I can make it a menu option to control the rates. Yeah. Rock On! See sometimes you just need to talk it out.

So...my buddy shaun is heading up this weekend. We are going to go out in lame appleton again. This time, instead of being just shaun and I, this girl I've been hanging out with is gathering a group of people from my second job to go out. I don't really know these people, but I think it will still be a good time. We will see.

Secondly, and I think this is weird as hell, for a while the girl from woody's and I were fooling around and our friendship was okay. I have put an end to the fooling around and now it is just a little weird between us. Is this normal? I explicitly told her I was not interested in a relationship with her and she understood, but I think she still thought she would end up dating me. Now that I have ended the fooling around, I think she realizes she has no chance and dating me and that put the weirdness into the relationship. This girl is cool friend but not dateable. She is into movies and music, but to be honest, she is a little dumb (and I don't usually call people that). I couldn't see myself trying to have a meaningful conversation with her and she wants to be a grocery checker for the rest of her life. It's not that grocery checking is bad thing, but she doesn't want to progress. I can't understand that way of life. I am always searching for change, in at least some aspect of my life.
 
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Yay for Books! And more whacko theory!   
02:57pm 22/07/2007
 
mood: contemplative
I have recently joined goodreads.com and it is so cool! I have a hard time meeting people who are interested in reading in my everyday life, so it is great to find a community that encourages reading!

I am reading Capital by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels along with Manifesto of the Communist Party right now.

I am stricken with how right on Marx and Engels are in their description of Capitalism. Every page I read is true to the core. The simple scientific approach to commodities and relations of trade is so easy I can't believe others don't get it.

In the Communist Manifesto, Marx and Engels layout the necessary procedures to develop a communistic society that cares for all of its members. I have found one flaw with their theory.

In order to bring about a communist revolution, the proletariat must seize political control. In our society, that is next to impossible. Allow me to extrapolate.

Our political structure is democratic, correct? So why is the working class continually exploited by the bourgeoisie? The problem comes from our form of democracy. Representative democracy does not directly place the desires of the majority in their hands. Our ruling elites understand this and use it to their advantage, hence the continuation of the Electoral Collegiate!

Further complicating this problem, the average working man has no concerns for the the political actions of his government. The working man is more concerned with the wool that has been pulled over his eyes of sports, celebrity drama, the lottery and misplaced antagonism to the criminal class. The working class has been brainwashed by corporate controlled media to believe that the most important aspects in their life are reality TV and what kind of car they purchase. Advertising has the working man continually chasing new wants, this increases the market necessary for the capitalist to exploit and earn a profit off of.

Even were the common working man able to see through the smoke and mirrors of society that guard the ruling elite. The representatives of our country all come from the bourgeoisie. The working man is given the choice of a few select individuals who are members of the capitalist elite. This is unfortunately due to the amount of money required to run a successful campaign. These candidates must be capitalists in order to raise the money required to win an election. The Republicans and the Democrats are not that different in terms of economic policy and theory. Sure, the Democrats do push for legislature to build social programs to protect the worker (it was not always this way, read up on the Democratic Redeemers and their views after the Civil War!), however, they lack the vision and desire to change the basic nature of our economy, capitalism. I believe this is due to the fact that by nature our leaders have profited from capitalism, why destroy that which gave them power? The Republicans back big business so they are not interested in removing the greed of capital from our society.

The point of this argument is: We the people are given candidates that are only marginally different. If the candidate does break from the established political mold, he/she will have no chance of winning, most likely due to the lack of capital. What is necessary is to use the system that oppresses us to strike back! Capitalism by nature breeds its own destruction, in order to speed up the process, we need to understand and use capitalist principles to build a war chest capable of placing our representatives into office. This of course will be tough, the self-interest inherent in capitalism is a great tempter. Where can we find one who is able to use the capitalist method but not be tainted by the power and wealth it promotes. We must fight fire with fire. But ours must be a controlled burn that will eventually be extinguished.

Or...I am just a whack job...you be the judge.
 
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Why I Love John Edwards!   
11:34am 17/07/2007
 
mood: hopeful
It seems that as the campaigns swing into motion, the primary concern of most canidates is the war in Iraq; rightfully so in my mind, we need to get the hell out of there! However, domestic issues such as poverty and the social security crisis are seeming to take a back seat to the war. Maybe I haven't been reading up enough, but it seems all I can find are views on the "War OF Terror" (yay! Borat!) and global warming! Strangely, both are related to oil! Read my post on the extinction of our species for my view on that.

According to http://channels.isp.netscape.com/news/story.jsp?floc=ne-politics-more&idq=/ff/story/0002%2F20070716%2F1740989023.htm&sc=roptz, Senator Edwards is focusing on the poverty that is strewn throughout our country.

Many social scientists agree that the seperations of class that exist in our country are cause for many problems, including crime and poor health of the underpriviledged. It is good to see that this issue is being brought into the spotlight by at least one canidate!!!

I truly hope that Senator Edwards is true to this mission and can gain the support needed to attempt to tackle this growing problem. It would be nice if the good Senator sticks to his guns and can create social programs and business regulations that enable the working class to escape the cycle of poverty. Socialized Education and Health Care, Yay! Hell while we are at it, Socialize Housing as well! I am excited to see where Senator Edwards takes this goal.

Unfortunately, he is falling behind Obama and Clinton. It will be interesting to see how this all shakes out!

p.s. ingore my spelling errors, I am short on time!
 
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One Trip, Heart Twice Broken   
10:32am 13/07/2007
 
mood: determined
Between July 7th and July 11th, I was fortunate enough to visit our nation's capital. WOW!

The trip was super fantabulous, however, the trip brought into contrast the life I live in Wisconsin. I have always leaned more towards urban living; I never understood why some people choose to live in the country away from everything. The trip to DC further enforced my belief that I belong to the City (you belong to the night!).

DC had so much to offer, I was particularly impressed with the view of the Capital Building and the White House, although the Capital Building tour left a little to be desired. It was empowering and humbling to be at the political center for the entire nation; given our countries influence in the world, it is a political center for the earth as well. The Lincoln Memorial was also awe inspiring. When I have seen pictures of it, I never imagined its scope to be so large, and the demanding presence the statue imposes is amazing. The real joy of the city was the everyday life I witnessed. The flow to the city is beautiful. I think I could have spent the entire week just wandering around different blocks of the business districts and taking in the atmosphere.

The most important part of the trip to me was the chance to see a dear friend again. It had been years since I had seen her and it was great to talk and walk with her like we hadn't been apart at all. The time we spent together reminded me of my happiest times, attending school at UWGB. I loathed the day I had to leave and not experience her anymore.

This brings me to my heart breaks. First, I found a woman who is intelligent, strong, socially conscious, beautiful, funny, playful and just a joy to be with and...she lives 5 (or 6 depending on how you look at it) states away...DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!! Of course, finding a woman of her caliber in Wisconsin is like looking for a needle in a haystack. At least I have her as a great long distance friend.

The second heart break is leaving DC. Everything about the city felt so natural to me, like I belonged. I have fallen in love with the east coast. I cannot wait to experience more of the cities so I may decide where to move when I graduate. I have taped my metro day pass and a business card for a restaurant, Zengo (Yay, I love Zengo!!!), to my desk to remind myself of this goal. In a few years, I will be moving east; fuck Manifest Destiny, I would never have left the east coast; I don't know what our settlers were thinking.

Speaking of the Metro, that is the greatest transportation system in the whole of existence, well, what I have seen of existence (it's very limited). I could have spent an entire day just riding around on it. I wouldn't have even left that stations except to grab a bite to eat.

This trip was amazing and worth every penny I spent on it. I know I will be visiting DC again, unless it becomes my city of choice, then I will just move there.
 
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The Cause: Misbalance   
06:26pm 28/06/2007
 
mood: peaceful
Every ecosystem is built upon finely tuned balances between not only the creatures that inhabit that ecosystem but the resources in the ecosystem. This can be shown with the correlation of populations between predator and prey. In a year when the population of the prey booms, the population of the predator will boom in sequence. This will continue cyclicly until the population of the predator becomes too large for the population of the prey to support. When the prey becomes scarce, the predator's population will decrease until there are few enough predators to allow the prey to boom again, thus the cycle continues. Most resources are balanced as well. Consider fertile soil as a resource, plants will naturally balance out their numbers due to the amount of fertile soil available. In areas with more fertile soil, more plants will thrive, in areas with more rocky or less fertile soil, fewer plants will survive. These are a few examples, the real point is each organism on the plant requires resources to survive and the ecosystem as a whole requires balance between the consumption of those resources and their ability to regrow to maintain it's stability. This balance may shift but it must remain with in certain lower and upper limits to prevent destabilization of the ecosystem.

The theory is further supported by a general law of physics. The law of conservation of matter states that matter can neither be created or destroyed. This means consumption of resources merely changes the state or form of matter. All living things and all resources are created from matter. Since matter cannot be created, it is reasonable to assume that for each organism that is born or grown, fewer units of matter are available to be used as resources; and that there is a finite amount of matter available to be used in the creation of organisms and resources.

The ecosystem that is our world naturally balanced out this matter issue through flucuations in population and renewal of resources on the planet. Certain resources renew relatively quickly, for example, pine trees or air. Other resources renew at a much much slower rate, for example, oil or diamonds.

Our real problem as humans comes from two sides. First, we have been able to bypass the balance of consumer and food source. Through domestication of animals, crops and water supplies, we have made it too easy to get the food required to stay alive. A byproduct of this is the evasion of natural selection. Advances in medicine have allowed the average age of death to increase. Basically, more people will live and live longer. We are experiencing some economic proofs of this theory with the baby boomers and social security. This means more matter must be devoted to humans and our food sources. Since matter cannot be created, it must be stripped from other organisms or resources. This is further compounded by industrialization. The waste created by humans is rapidly building to levels that will soon be unmanageable. Even experiments with plasma based waste disposal generators leave a waste that is relatively unusable; it can be used to make glass however.

Our second problem comes from our accelerated use of fossil fuels which have a slow renewal rate. With every human that is born, we must use more oil to provide energy and make the plastics we rely on so readily. In reality though, even if we solve the fossil fuel issue, it is just delaying the inevitable. Eventually our species will reach a critical mass that will be unable to be supported by our planet. The oil is just the first resource that is seeming to become scarce first.

Now imagine a world in which a vital resource is scarce. Let's imagine it is oil. Soon in our capitalistic society, oil becomes scarce enough that only the elites can afford it. This means fuel, the energy derived from fuel and oil based products are no longer available to the masses. Imagine your standard of living in this situation. Now imagine if one particular country were to control the remaining oil. That country would be in a position of power. The country would be the only power with a mechanized military. What I see occurring first is every country trying to be the last country to control the oil. Soon wars errupt between countries over the precious resource. Added to this, the masses of the world will turn on the elites when their situation becomes hard enough and the seperation of the standard of living of the masses and the elites seperates far enough. If oil is to become this scarce, even food will become scarce as transportation costs rise. This conflict over the remaining resource of oil will cause the human population to whither rapidly, my guess to near the point of extinction. We will have crossed the line of no return. Given the destructive power of the countries today, the wars between the countries will be severe for the remaining oil.

As I have stated above, oil is not the issue, if the oil does not go out first due to some advancement in energy techololgy, it will eventually become another resource that is scarce. The point is, on a timeline, given a long enough time, our population will reach a critical mass that will destroy civilization as we know it. Too much Life can be a bad thing.

Now please don't confuse me with some hippy that believes recycling my paper (although I do recycle) or using canvas bags at the grocery store is going to save the world. I think I have made it clear that with each new child born in surplus to our current population, the resources become just a little more scarce and eventually it will be too late. Hopefully, not in my life time though.
 
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The End of the World as We Know it   
12:26pm 28/06/2007
 

I had a dream maybe a week or so back. I rarely have great dreams, mine tend to take the darker side of the world and amplify it through my limited imagination. For some reason, this dream had the force of vision and power to stick with me for what, in relation to other dreams, has been quite a long time.

As I slept, images of a torn and wasted world floated through my mind. This world was not ravished by an act of god or nuclear holocaust. It was destroyed by the very thing humanitarians promote, life. Life causing death seems only natural. In order to survive, one being must consume another living organism, whether plant or animal, it matters not. Life must destroy to survive. So what could cause such wide spread devastation. Too much life. During my dream, I came to understand that humans caused this destruction. I realized that the future in my dream was bleak due to over population. I know, I know, I must be a fascist to promote population control, it's everybody's right to bear children, and the catholics will surely hate me. In my dream, we as a species made it too easy to survive. I'm not a natural scientist so some of the following theories may be off, and I encourage debate on these topics, but I will explain my logic in the next post.

 
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12:08pm 15/06/2007
 
mood: cheerful
So, yesterday I had to rework around five hundred lines of code. That is the price I pay for not doing proper research with the tools I am using. I am coding in Visual Basic 6.0. Building methods with optional arguements, I tried using the IsMissing() function to decide whether the arguements were passed. Well had I read up on the function properly, I would have noticed it only works on Variant data types. I hate using non descript variant types (they are memory whores) so I had to rework all the code to allow for default values that would signify no arguement was passed, then test for the default value using private methods. Not to complicated, but I should have had this class to this point 4 or 5 days ago and now due to this and various other logic errors, it just now is useable. Now to test the methods. I've desk checked the methods step by step, but now to actually run them...that is the question...I am hoping to god they work like I planned. I really don't want to rework this class again. We are also busy at work this time of year, so I get little time to work on my extra-curricular projects like this. This leads to problems when I don't get to work on the project and need to spend 15-20 min reading through my notes module and looking through code just to catch up. God I wish I had a job where I worked on programming every day.

So tuesday night I went out in A town. Had a good time drinking with some coworkers. I don't really know these people too well, so I kind of felt like the odd man out. Well after having too much to drink, I got invited to this girls home to crash. We end up talking and watching cartoons, Yay for cartoons! After awhile, I end up holding her on her bed. We make out for a while and well, then she mentions she has a boyfriend. This may work out well though, she isn't really my type and it was more of a good time make out then a let's have a relationship thing. I'm a little worried, we work together on Saturday and she texted me to wear my "Good Smelling Cologne" to work. All night she kept placing her face right in my neck. Then she would tell me how great I smell. Thank you Ralph Lauren Black. Well I'm afraid I may have opened up a real can of worms.
 
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Thus begins another week.   
11:45am 11/06/2007
 
mood: rushed

So, it is back to the daily grind after a great weekend in the windy city. A good friend of mine had her birthday on Friday and we celebrated by going out in Chicago. Once again I have fallen in love with the urban atmosphere. To start the night off we went to a barb-b que. The cook out was a decent time with plenty of beer and drinking games. Everyone just seemed to play catch up. The real fun started when we left the cook out.

Our first destination, a carnival. We spent a good portion of the night at the beer tents listening to a pretty good live band. The most exciting part of the beer tent was a random drunk (shirtless most of the time) harassing various people and dancing like a madman. The birthday girl got convinced to dance with this fellow. On more then one occassion I noticed the random grabbing wounded soldiers off the table and slamming them. A great way to get hep I think. So I started too...just kidding. When the carnaval closed shop, we headed to a martini bar. I loved this bar. It had great atmosphere which provided a comfortable environment to socialize in. We mostly sat around a table and BSed but that was really all that needed to be done...I'm way too old for the crazy let's cause trouble shit of my early 20's. The bartender was a smokin hot foreiner who could barely understand english, I'm judging by the fact she didn't understand Ketel One on the Rocks (my drink of choice for the night). I could have stayed at the bar and flirted with the bartender all night. I am shocked by the price of cigarettes in Chicago. We went to the local 7-11 to pick some up and a pack of camel lights was $8.00 WTF?

So on to the girl front again. Now I enjoy going out, but it seems like every girl I meet is either getting married or going out is the motivating factor in the girls life. I have no idea where to meet a decent woman who occasionally enjoys a drink or two, but also enjoys simpler things like reading in bed, going to museums, maybe sitting at a coffee shop and talking. Where are these women, I'll tell you where they are, married! I've met a few women who enjoy these kinds of activities and they are all getting married. Which leads me to the financial side of my girl problem. I am no where near being financially stable enough to provide the kind of security these girls seem to want (not just security, but things too). I've decided that love, like all things, is economic by nature (I don't know if Marx tackled this subject, but I'd be interested in reading it if he did). You can be the greatest person in the world, but if your ass is poor, you will be single for ever. I'm working on that, but shit I'm sick of everything being based on money. I feel like a sell out for caring so much about money right now, but when I didn't care, it only lead to financial trouble, which in turn further impoverished me. I'm not a victim here, I made these decisions, but damn the materialistic emphasis in this society is hurting my chances at being happy. Not that I'm truly not happy, I am content to be single right now, but damn everyone loves a little social interaction with some one they are attracted too.

I am hoping to start playing bass more often. A friend of mine mentioned maybe starting a progressive rock band, more precisely, joining a progressive rock band that doesn't have a drummer or bassist. I don't know if I will ever have the talent to play that level of music. But practice makes sort of good right? I'd mostly be excited for the comradery a band promotes, that is until an egotistical lead singer acts like a jack ass and the drummer starts sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. Although that makes for good drama. Probably could cyphen some good material for songs from that situation. I am really hoping that we can get this thing going. I would really like to start playing again and playing by yourself is only so gratifying.

I am super worried about seeing my grandparents in two weeks. Not so much my grandfather, he is kind of laid back. But my grandmother is a judgmental, grudge holding, bitch it seems. I haven't seen them for nearly 9 years or so, it will be interesting to get their reaction to seeing me. I have been writing them, more specifically grandpa (used to be grandma who wrote, but after my extended disappearence grandpa writes). Yeah, when my grandmother found out my sister was pregnant and getting married, she told her "I can't say I'm happy for you", because my sister wasn't married first, how cold hearted is that? That just leads me to believe religion just makes one intolerant and unloving, the exact opposite of what it is supposed uphold. Oh well, I went 9 years with out seeing them before, if I feel in any way like they are judging me and not the loving grandparents I desire, I'll just have to write them off as a loss.

Ta-Ta for now.

 
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Ab Origine   
12:57pm 07/06/2007
 
mood: nerdy

Welcome friend (I only have one),

Life has been pretty bland for me lately. I don't understand why; I seem to be constantly busy, however it never seems exciting. I feel as though I am dragged down by the 9-5 struggle of work and life. Go to work, go to school, go to work, eat, sleep, go to work, on the weekends visit friends, go back to work. I am always headed some where, but I never seem satisfied with destination. Am I just expecting too much? Have I been manipulated into thinking life is supposed to be "As Seen on TV". I don't even watch TV.

Currently I am working on an application for my boss that when completed, will provide tools to assist in the processing of mortgage loans and the servicing of closed loans. I am using Visual Basic 6.0 to devlop this application. I have divided the application into many sub applications. Using Object oriented methodology, I am building it to allow many instances of the same sub application to be run at once, with a few exceptions that only need one version running at a time, for example, the pre-approval database. I am trying to decide whether to create seperate interactable objects that deal with the loan information that is required; or should I build one object that contains these multiple objects as properties? There are pluses and minus to both. If I do the all encompassing master object, much of the object will be unused for most sub apps, so each instance will be bloated with unneeded memory allocations. If I do the seperate but interacting objects, I can limit which objects will load, but working with them will be considerably more difficult and require more code. I believe I will go with the memory management option.

So, how do people meet other people these days? I am confused by this. I am in the market to start a relationship, no that's not right, more of a serious friendship and let's see where it goes, but how do I meet these people. I don't really like to go out any more, and it seems that all the people I meet around my age are only interested in the next time they can get wasted. I am also running into economic issues with relationships...but more on that next time...

 
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